Giant lush animals! Hypnosis! It’s the weekend’s big TV stuff

Madge’s fall at the Brits, a full and frank interview with Jonathan Ross in which the great lady addresses the unfortunate incident head-on.

Your eye color is suddenly translucent, cheeks are flushed, there is soft rosy halo around your lash line, and your lips…your lips deepen as blood rushes through them and creates a beautiful, tragic look. This lip happens to work well for day or evening and doesn’t require you to cry! This method allows you to wear any lip color in a very natural and believable way.

The secret to this look is creating a soft halo around your lip line. Start by taking your favorite lipstick, stain, or chubby lip pencil and saturating the color just on the center of your lips. Then, take your finger and blend the color over your lips as if you are rubbing

I can’t wait for you to try the crying lip. It’s so beautiful, it will bring you to tears.

Once the color starts dissolving into your lips, drag your finger right on top of your lip line, bleeding the color into your lip—especially over your cupid’s bow. It’s like finger painting on a sensual canvas, leading to the perfect stain that will last for hours.

This technique will also allow you to use those beautiful pops of color you’re always eyeing but never dare to buy, since the method will only capture the color’s essence. My favorite three colors to use for the tragic lip are a coral red, a classic mauve, and a deep wine. The first color I used in the pictures is YSL’s Rouge Pur Couture Vernis À Lèvres Glossy Stain in 8 Orange De Chine (which also made an appearance in this week’s lip stain roundup!)—the perfect orange-coral stain, but you must work quickly with blending as it sets quick. The second look is the rosy-mauve Clé de Peau Beauté Extra Rich Lipstick in 106. This creamy formula feels so heavenly on the lips and imparts the perfect “you-could-never-go-wrong” color, giving you a super-natural, yet flattering look. The third color is the Nars Velvet Matte Lip Pencil in Train Bleu. Swipe this vampy color dead-center on lips and give it a good rub down to transform your mouth into a deadly weapon that kills silently.

You’re Back In The Room (ITV, Saturday, 8.20pm)

Preceding the Ross/Madonna special is a barmy new game show. Not as barmy as the new game show on Sky1 tomorrow (see below), but pretty damn barmy nonetheless. The premise is that a team of five members of the public take on apparently simple tasks to win money – but they’ve all been hypnotised. Not by host Philip Schofield. But by “International mentalist” Keith Barry. Not sure what a how a national mentalist would do in comparison, but Keith does manage to convince fully clothed people that they’re naked and such. It’s bold, rather disconcerting stuff, and a little uncomfortable to watch. But at least it’s a bit different. Just like…

Wild Things (Sky1, Sunday, 7pm)

This has got to be the most ludicrous game show concept since BBC1’s Don’t Scare The Hare, way back in the mists of 2011. In a wood somewhere, members of the public too weird to get on to ITV’s hypno-game show You’re Back In The Room dress up in huge fluffy animal costumes out of which they can’t see anything, and proceed to take part in a series of challenges in the hope of winning £10,000. Each of them handily has a partner to help guide them through the confusion and presumably to deal with the stress afterwards but it’s basically grown adults dressed as giant ducks and rabbits falling over a lot. What’s not to love? Oh, and it’s hosted by the fine combo of Springwatch’s Kate Humble and comedian Jason Byrne.

And don’t forget… It’s the last in the current series of Dragons’ Den (BBC2, Sunday, 9pm) and the last ever appearance on the show from the ever-grumpy Duncan Bannatyne, who’s actually in even grumpier form than usual. He also gets a VT of his best bits, which is hilarious.